Dec. 2, 2021

Learning from Romance: Part 1

Learning from Romance: Part 1

I've made some surprising discoveries about myself while reading romances this year. The wave of positivity, love, respect and acceptance for all sorts of fictional characters in these stories has encouraged me to love and accept myself, and even discover new aspects of my sexuality.

GLAAD has really useful definitions for the entire asexual spectrum, including demisexuality. Come to think of it, I just might be aceflux, too.

So what does it mean to be sapiosexual? Oh, this is me as well — if your brain is sexy to me, then you're super hot.

"Sex can be anything: Just kissing; having a long, erotically charged long as you’ve got consent, and no unwanted pain, you can roll around like puppies.” The secret to great sex.

I mean, I have eyeballs and can see that David Gandy is hotter than the surface of the sun. But what is his mind like? And is he kind? Does he love on puppies? Help older ladies carry their groceries? These are the questions that a demisexual might explore before jumping in the sack.

Featured in this episode:

Connect with writer, listener and general badass Kristina on Twitter.

Writer VB Beringer specializes in monster/fantasy erotica, and he's a doll.

The fascinating article by writer Lacey Cross about the intersection between her demisexuality and her erotica can be found here.

Erotica editor Tasha Taylor is a delight.


Her is one of my favorite movies ever and represents romance heaven for demisexuals like me.

Clueless (1995), loosely based on Jane Austen's Emma, is the most adorable movie. Alicia Silverstone's performance is full of humor and heart--she makes the whole thing tick, and even the 90s slang stands up.


Grace and Seb, the demisexual nerds-turned-lovers of My Fake Rake, are a delightful pair. The audiobook is fantastic.

The mental health, social anxiety and demisexual/asexual rep in The Charm Offensive is absolutely heartwarming. Sweet Charlie and Dev win you over immediately.

I fell in love with Gray and Kai in The Happy List. The way these men love, cherish and respect each other first as friends, then lovers, is sexy and inspiring.

Jake, the hero in Tempting Talk, is a hot cinnamon roll demisexual (what a combo!), and this story about small town rock DJ Mabel falling in love with the station's accountant is a total delight.