Romantic Longing: 500 Days of Summer/La La Land

This is Confessions of a Closet Romantic, a podcast where I celebrate my love of romantic TV shows, movies, books and talk in detail about why I love them so much. Without embarrassment or shame. Mostly! This is Poppy and in this episode: Romantic Longing: 500 Days of Summer/ La La Land

Lately I've been in a mood.  I just want to wallow. Wail. The romances I read and watch mostly feature happy ever after but sometimes bittersweet and unrequited feels real, and right for the moment.

Some of my favorite tropes are all the variations on unrequited love or friends to lovers, that aching bittersweet state of feeling, those relationships where “the timing’s all off,” the ships pass in the night, that delicious tension between people who “click,”  people with chemistry or connection—no matter what happens at the end of the story— maybe the connection is inconvenient or not encouraged or one sided— but it's undeniable. 

Which of course brings us to 500 Days of Summer.

Tom spends the first quarter of the movie digging this girl-- greatly— I mean they both love the Smiths and Knight Rider and  Bruce Springsteen, and he doesn't just want to be friends, Summer!! Why is this kind of connection so hardddd…..

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Honoring these connections—the risk of “no matter where it leads, I will follow” —makes the very best stories. 

Is it any surprise that when Harry Met Sally is one of my favorite rom coms of all time? And The Age of Innocence one of my favoritecostume dramas of all time?

Long ago I was introduced to a new coworker at a job… boom. immediate connection. like we dove into the deep end in our first conversation and never came up for air. 

We worked in different departments but just gravitated towards each other. He was free and I wasn't, then I was, and he wasn’t, but it was about honoring the feeling of profound, wow this is my person! connection—for me anyway.

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I had some of the deepest conversations of my life with this person but we never even hugged. I wish this kind of connection didn't feel so complicated or painful or threatening sometimes. The “un-requitedness” of it can be exquisite torture and also feel like hanging out there alone, holding the truth of something that will never fit a sanctioned box. 

This scene from the Age of Innocence, right near the end, brings me near tears every time because I feel like I lived it.

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500 Days of Summer is also about pure undeniable connection, and honoring it as far as it takes you. Or you can take Tom's approach and say: you're not the only one in this relationship and I say we’re a couple! goddamnit! Doesn't work out super well.

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This couple pretending they're living in the IKEA store showrooms, in mock distress that everything's “broken” like the fake flat-screen and  faucets, it's just about the most adorable example of connection.

And then there is the old dependable rom com scenario of finally expressing your feelings and acknowledging your epic connection with the person you love —when they’re getting married to someone else. I mean, almost literally the moment they’re getting married to someone else.

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See also My Best Friend’s Wedding.

And then there's the connection with our deepest self, shredded into pieces between those we love and our biggest dreams. The tone of La La Land embodies that romance that’s half perfection, total thrill, but the other half loss, all baked in.

If you're a classic film fan like me, The Red Shoes shows this connection with lush, visually poetic images too. It's a don't miss movie.

 Okay it’s hard to find a clip with dialogue from La La Land because Damien Chazelle is a genius and the story is mostly told through music and visuals. Duh. But I think the verses and chorus of this song say it all.

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So. What do we do with connections like these? Especially when they become inconvenient, or one-sided? I’ve seen every season of the TV show Sex and the City and I think this small moment is one of the most memorable scenes in the entire show. Sarah Jessica Parker's line reading in this scene breaks my heart every time. 

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We connect with who we connect with. That's what I love best about romance—  the stories show that authentic love and connection are never wasted time, They’re always worth the risk.

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 Find show notes with links to what I've been babbling about at  confessions of a closet romantic.com 

Thanks Red August and elizgy. for your recent Apple Podcasts reviews--I appreciate it so much!

Special shout out to my listeners in the Philippines, and my listeners in Brasil. And as always, hello to my dear romance friends and listeners in the US of A.

So nice to have your company…until next time, wishing you beautiful, loving connection wherever you find it.