Sex Positivity: Easy/The Overnight/The Intimacy Experiment
I crave more sex- and age-positivity, a wider range of human sexuality and relationship, in the romantic TV shows and movies that I watch now. Romance novels have always done a great job at representing shame-free sexuality, desire, and fantasy. But the Netflix series Easy and the movie The Overnight also get it right.
https://www.confessionsofaclosetromantic.com
Salt-n-Pepa Let's Talk About Sex. The late 80s-early 90s style in this video! It dates from 1991 and wow, things were different back then. But the ladies got it goin' on: let's talk about it.
A good, brief definition of the different types of human sexuality. I love that they point out that sexuality can change throughout your life.
Britannica has a fascinating worldwide sociological overview of human sexuality. There's even a good section on solo sex :)
What it means to be on the asexual spectrum.
It's possible to have hot sex and intimacy without intercourse. Here's an excellent article full of ideas on how to go about it.
Movie/TV Show
An exploration of the lo-fi, indie mumblecore film movement.
Joe Swanberg created, wrote, directed and co-produced the TV series Easy which is quite a feat. Just look at the size of that cast! The range of subjects!
The Overnight works because of the cast. I've crushed on Adam Scott for ages, and he's the perfect straight man here -– the main reason this even works. Ditto for Jason Schwartzman. Taylor Schilling and Judith Godrèche are also amazing. The Duplass Brothers produced this movie, and they're also big in the mumblecore movement.
The Amazon TV series Transparent is a touching tragicomedy about a trio of LA-based siblings who struggle with sex, love and relationships, while supporting their father coming out as trans. Jay Duplass stars in this show, and he's so good in it. It's a small world.
Books
I can't say enough about the respectful, passionate way Naomi and Ethan relate in The Intimacy Experiment. It's mostly a slow burn, but when things heat up, they heat up. Check out The Roommate, too, which defines a steamy, sex-positive plot.
The Belle and the Beard by Kate Canterbary is a clever and sexy romance, loosely based on Beauty and the Beast. It features a Southern-born, super-capable woman with childhood trauma and a grumpy arborist hero who identifies as pansexual. He's been in love with a man in his past, and now he loves her. I love romances that bring the emotional baggage, as well as sex positivity, to relationship. It makes the story richer, deeper, and more compelling.
This is Confessions of a Closet Romantic, a podcast where I celebrate my favorite romantic TV shows, movies and books, and talk in detail about why I love them so much -- without embarrassment or shame. Mostly! This is Poppy and this episode is all about Sex Positivity: Easy/The Overnight/The Intimacy Experiment.
Soooo….this episode is not suitable for work, children, or those who don't enjoy explicit talk about sex and romance. Okay? fasten your seatbelts—ready?
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I grew up in a pretty religiously-conservative household. I went to Catholic school and church every Sunday. The church has —shall we say— traditional opinions about gender, sexuality, the role of women in society, premarital sex, being gay…I didn't exactly subscribe to any of these views—ever.
My thinking about "appropriate" intimacy—I'm doing air quotes around the word appropriate right now— "acceptable" relationships, “good” sex and love, only shifted and expanded as I grew up, thankfully. It's all because of the life experiences I've had, and because I told that, judgmental voice to sit down and shut up, and because of all the sex- positive romance I've read.
What I want out of the media I consume has expanded, too. I want MORE movies and TV shows that present a range of a sex- and age-positive viewpoints—especially non-PIV sex and intimacy. Asexuality. Art with that “so what are you into?" respect, the “It's about minds and hearts, not parts” philosophy.
Romantic movies and rom coms don't usually do that mind-expanding thing for me like romance novels. But then I saw the TV series Easy.
This is the Netflix anthology series from 2016 that features a large cast of characters in many situations around love, sexuality and relationship. Created and written and directed by Joe Swanberg, known for his work in the mumblecore film movement — naturalistic, improvisational films that explore sex and relationship. It can feel like one big amusing, honest and informative group therapy sesh—and not a bad thing for me.
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Some characters are recurring but most episodes are standalone. It's fictional but the script feels improvised. It feels as if very little is off limits. It's all presented as okay and acceptible – which it is. See my episode Choose Your Own Trope Adventure for more on this.
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OK hold on tight!
Andi and her husband, a playright, met in college. They’ve been married for years and have kids and as they’ve gotten older, their sex life has gotten stale.
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So they decide to spice things up and try an open marriage. With kids, the logistics and feelings aren’t easy to manage, and then there’s this…
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Malin Ackerman and Orlando Bloom play a married couple who decide to try a slightly different angle—with their toddlers’s music teacher, who finds their profile on a dating app.
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Easy also features a lesbian couple of different ages who struggle when one partner wants to perform burlesque. Another character is a sex worker who keeps it secret but impulsively tells a good friend about it. She listens and asks the questions that we all probably have.
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Her friend, Annabel, played by Jane Adams, gets drunk one night with an old friend, a middle-aged comic book writer played by Marc Maron. She sleeps with him. and the morning after becomes awkward in such a relatable way when you’re past 35, and it’s not about pretense but just being tired and hangry.
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After the music teacher from the threesome babysits for her divorced friend, she realizes how much she wants a family of her own. so she offers to help co-parent her daughter. Found family yes!
And since “a husband isn't going to come knocking on her front door" she goes out with every person who contacts her on that dating app for one month. But she finds a great guy at work and then things get compicated.
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What I love most about this show is how the characters explore their needs without judging themselves or others. Their feelings are complicated, nothing is simple—they mess up but they keep talking and trying.
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The Overnight is another exploration of these complicated feelings. It’s a movie about two married couples who meet at their kids playground and spend a family-friendly evening over pizza —until they put the kids to bed upstairs, grab the baby monitor, and get drunk and stoned.
They spend the entire night exploring and discussing pansexuality, monogamy, swinging, different ways of being married … and then all end up in bed. The cast maintains this earnest tone that’s completely real and unironic—which is why you don’t feel pervy watching it.
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The romance novel that inspired this entire episode is The Intimacy Experiment by Rosie Danan.
It's a story about bisexual porn star Naomi, who gives up her performing career and starts Shameless, an inclusive sex positivity education website.
She meets Ethan, a smart, hot rabbi in his mid-30s at a teaching conference. He’s so struck by her that he begs her to give a seminar about modern intimacy at his struggling synagogue. He needs to attract new congregants or he could get fired.
As they plan the seminar, Ethen is more and more attracted to Naomi. She's into him too, but she's sure he wouldn't be interested in someone like her. He thinks she couldn't possibly be attracted to someone like him.
Oh this trope… ! The seminar takes students through attraction, dating, sex, and commitment, and Naomi and Ethan start moving through the stages themselves.
The gentle positive exploration of life experiences and sexual desire in this story, without reservation or judgment — in whatever shape those desires take – is so dang refreshing. It’s unlike any romance I’ve ever read, and if you like stories that represent the spectrum of human sexuality, don't miss it.
Well. I feel shame free and emotionally freeer already — don't you?